Sry I called you an 8
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
