It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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