I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
