How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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