You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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