bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
