thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
