whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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