The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
