the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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