ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
