Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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