My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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