Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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