Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
