I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
