I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
