I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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