How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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