I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
