You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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