She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
