Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
