lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
