Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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