O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
