Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
