dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
