just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
