If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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