so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
