pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
