the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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