Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
