sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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