I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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