I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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