According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
