Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
