the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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