I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
