this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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