the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
