i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
