i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
