Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
