we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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