i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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