He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
