I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
