you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
