He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
