She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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