So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
