She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
