Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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