nut hugger
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
