Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
