I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
