Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
