I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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