if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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