Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
