weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
