I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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