thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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