I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
