just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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