Life is so much better after having sex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
