where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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