If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
