i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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