You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
