yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
