YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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