I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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