I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
