Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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