I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
