if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
