My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
