quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
