So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
