that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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